Wellness Formula Pills & Tokyo Nights: Michael Shuman Plays 'Two Truths & A Lie'

So, you know Queens Of The Stone Age, right? They’re pretty big. Headlined Splendour In The Grass last year. Worked with Dave Grohl. Yeah, they’re not doing too badly for themselves.  

What you might not know is that the band’s bassist/keyboardist Michael Shuman spends some of his time away from QOTSA actually fronting his own band too called Mini Mansions. The trio features Zach Dawes (from The Last Shadow Puppets) and Tyler Parkford, who incidentally isn’t gonna be too happy when he reads the last part of this column.  

I’ve met Shuman before though, in a recording studio at Universal Music a few years ago where he was playing a couple of songs acoustically for some video content I was creating. We didn’t get to chat a lot that time – he was pretty deep in the zone – but this time, he’s got loads of stories for me even though I’ve put him on the spot.  

“I got a story for you – I’m the worst storyteller. I’m a very bad joke-teller too,” he starts. I prompt him with a few ideas: What about a story about your first kiss or first relationship or something like that?

“Ohhh you don’t want to know about that.” 

Ummm… sounds like I do now!

 Truth 

Michael: You know what, here’s a truth for you, if we’re talking relationships and all this stuff. Umm… so we [Mini Mansions] have a new EP coming out, and we have a song coming out called Midnight In Tokyo. And uh… I guess it could be about anything, and people have asked what it is about. A lot of this EP and the songs on it are very literal, and were kind of written in real time. So I fell in love with this girl, amazing girl, and on our second date I think, we talked about going to Tokyo. Each of us had never been. 

Uppy: Mmhmm.  

M: I studied Japanese for four years in high school, so I studied the language and never got to go and fully use it. So I wanted to go to Tokyo, so we had this plan a year later, I was gonna propose to her. And so I set this up so we’re on this trip on New Year’s Eve – I’m getting really personal right now – it’s New Year’s Eve… 

U: I’m actually on the edge of my seat.  

M: Yeah, so New Year’s Eve, on the anniversary of the night we met the year before. And I’m gonna propose to her in Tokyo. So I set this whole thing up and as you can imagine… the whole thing went GREAT. I asked her to marry me at midnight at my friend’s bar in Tokyo and… we were engaged for a while, and the relationship did not work out, so all these songs are pretty much from the beginning of this great relationship to the end of this great relationship. But Midnight In Tokyo is very literally about that moment.  

U: WOW! Oh man, I was like, ‘Please end well, please end well.’

M: I mean, it did end well...

U: Yeah, the night ended well! 

M: The night went great. 

U: So how long ago was this? 

M: Ummm… that was almost two years ago?  

U: Well, thank you for getting so personal for me! That’s lovely. I mean, lovely but also not, I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but it’s a nice background story on it!  

M: Yeah, it’s nice right?  

U: So how did you like Tokyo? 

M: It became my favourite place in the world. I can’t believe it took me so long to get there and I’ve been a couple times since. It’s really hard to go back actually, because of the first time I experienced it, but I love it so much.  

U: I still haven’t been! All my mates are going though, it seems like the go-to place for Aussies right now.  

M: You gotta do it.  

Truth 

M: Here’s something to do with a run-in with the law that just happened recently, like two months ago. I was on tour with Mini Mansions and we were going to Canada to play the final show in Toronto supporting Arctic Monkeys. 

U: Mmhmm. 

M: And uh… Canada’s always been a bitch when you’re trying to cross the border. For some reason, they’re always the worst. 

U: Really? 

M: I don’t know why. Canada’s such a friendly country, but that border is a NIGHTMARE. It always has been. I’ve been arrested once going across. So we’re going across… 

U: Like in a tour van, yeah? 

M: We were in a van, yeah. So you stop at one booth, you go through your paperwork and then you drive in, you park, you have to get out and then they go through your van. So there’s like multiple officers going through EVERY inch of your fuckin’ van. 

U: Geez. 

M: And… they immediately – like after 20 seconds – they’re like, ‘How long has it been since you smoked marijuana in here?’ and we say, ‘We didn’t!’ And long story short, they don’t believe it and they go through every inch of the van. And all of a sudden, six guys grab us and they were ROUGH with us.

U: Shit! 

M: And they separated us all, handcuffed us all, and told us we were being arrested for possession of amphetamines. 

U: Oh shit. But… that’s not even weed. 

M: It’s not even weed. And so… they basically took us separately to try to get us to say something. But we didn’t have anything on us and we all knew we didn’t have anything on us, because we’re not fucking dummies. So they kept us for three hours, searched everything. They came back to the van and they had this bottle and they said, ‘Who was sitting in the back seat?’ I said, ‘I was.’ And they said, ‘Who had this bottle?’ And I said, ‘I did.’ And they come and they say, ‘What’s that?’ And they show me these pills and in this bottle, is this thing called Wellness Formula by Whole Foods.  

U: Yeah… 

M: And they said they did a test of these pills and for some reason, there had been traces of amphetamines. And they thought my vitamins – called Wellness Formula – was amphetamines and I think heroin too, they thought. 

U: Oh god.  

M: So they retested them and of course there was not [amphetamines], it was vitamins. So that was three hours of being handcuffed, and then they let us go. For nothing.  

U: That’s insane. So were the pills in the bottle? 

M: Actually they were in another bottle, just like peppermint pills? So I had peppermint pills and my Wellness pills in this bottle. And they were just SURE they had us. And I guess when you look at them, they’re like brown-ish capsules that could look like heroin or some kind of shit like that. But it was just funny – actually it was scary as shit – because it was hours and they literally had nothing on us.  

U: So they locked you up?  

M: Yeah. They didn’t like hit us or tase us or anything, but we were handcuffed and it was done in a very, very rough manner. It did not feel right at all. It felt like these guys were not good dudes.  

U: That’s awful. These Canadians are really ruining the whole ‘Canadians are the nicest people’ thing. 

M: I KNOW! I love Canadians. 

U: Myth BUSTED. That’s awful though, I’m guessing you guys got to the show alright? 

M: Yeah, we got to the show. All good.  

Lie  

M: I don’t wanna bust someone but can I… bust someone [laughs]?

U: TOTALLY. 

M: Okay cool. I’m gonna do it because whatever, who cares, and it’s not even that bad.  

U: I’m excited. 

M: So it’s so stupid. So me and Zach were at my place, we had rehearsal, and we had like an early rehearsal around 12. And um… [laughs] Tyler was late. And so he texted us and goes, ‘Hey, do you want any breakfast burritos? I’m picking ‘em up so that’s why I’m late.’ So we’re like, ‘Yeah sure, yeah yeah yeah.’ And we’re sitting there, he’s like 45 minutes late at this point, and we’re like, ‘Yo dude, where the fuck are you?’ And he’s like, ‘Dude! There’s just this huge line at the place! So I’m waiting.’ And he sent us this picture of him waiting in line, like from his POV of his spot in the line.  

U: Yeah. 

M: And we’re like, ‘Okay, alright man.’ It’s now been like an hour and 15 minutes and [laughs] Zach has the bright idea. So he Googles this place, and the FIRST IMAGE on Google Images is this line.  

U: No! THE LINE [laughs]? 

M: [Laughs] so he was not getting any fuckin’ breakfast burritos, he was just late. And he was SO busted. I liked his effort. 

U: Did you call him out on it? 

M: FUCK yeah. We call everyone out on everything. 

U: That’s so dog of him! You guys are sitting there freakin’ expecting breakfast burritos and he rocks up without?! 

M: [Laughs] I think he ended up bringing them actually – but there was no line! He was just late. But then he had to get ‘em, which was the redeeming part of it all.  

U: Riiight. That’s a very creative fib! Like, just say that you’re late, man! 

M: [Laughs] I’m sorry, Tyler. I had to bust you.  

U: Is he gonna be a bit upset? 

M: He might be. Whatever.  

U: Sorry Tyler! 

M: Sorry dude.  

 Mini Mansions’ new EP, Works Every Time, is out now, while Queens Of The Stone Age have just wrapped up their Villains world tour ending in Australia last month. 

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