Live Review: RNB Fridays Live

Ah, Thursday. What a perfect day for RNB Fridays. You'd think they'd have changed the name to avoid any confusion, but apparently not. Traffic is at a stand-still at 4.30pm. Punt Road is overflowing with punters jumping out of Ubers and chucking U-turns only to be greeted by big signs stating that the parking lot is only accepting cars that have been pre-booked. Pandemonium is a slight understatement to describe the mess that ensues. There are countless cars, all with utterly disoriented drivers scrambling for parking in the middle of heavy traffic as loads of people weave in and out of cars on Olympic Boulevard. 

It takes close to an hour to make it through the craziness and finally get through the bag-check lines. No doubt, the staff really do their best, but the number of people here just makes it way too hard. Punters are pissed to have missed out on Ruff Endz and Monifah as they count down the minutes on their watches and wait for mates to find an alternative parking spot, especially those in business attire who have clearly sped straight over from work, only to be held up even further. Plenty of phone conversations can be overheard of mates trying to Google alternative parking options in the city and provide directions over the phone like a human GPS. It'd probably be helpful for promoters to make this pre-booked parking situation much clearer next time around because, as a result, the arena seems pretty empty right now - which is unfair to those artists who are on early.

We manage to push through the endless queues of people lining up for the restrooms, swerve around those balancing hot chips and cold bevs in their hands and burst through the doors just as Christina Milian finishes up her set. It's a shame that the place is still so ridiculously empty at this point. Of course, it's a Thursday after all and unfortunately you can really feel that weekday vibe in here tonight.

DJ Horizon does his best to loosen up the crowd and it works very slowly, with most happy to just munch some snacks and bop along, conserving energy for later. Before we know it, Fatman Scoop bounds onto the stage to welcome the next artist, saying he's "living proof that you cannot fake talent". Mario steps into the spotlight and does justice to this sentiment. The bass is heavy - maybe a little too heavy, with the vocals drowned out for the first few minutes, but the energy in here is absolutely elevated for the first time. As he takes off his jacket, the shrieking is next level and soars further into eardrum- shattering territory when the first few notes of Stuttering are heard. It's a tune and a half and punters seem to remember every single lyric to this blast from the past. You know as soon as a bar stool gets dragged out onto the stage that things are going to slow down and get sensual, of course. The camera zooms into Mario's face, which glistens with sweat as he sings Let Me Love You and flings white flowers into the audience. It's delicious, heart-warming cheesy goodness. This track never gets old. 

After some quick banter from host Ash London and a couple more songs to keep punters boogieing, En Vogue take centre stage in dreamy, glittering black ensembles. They look so fit and fierce that it's impossible to take your eyes off these ladies. Salt 'N' Peppa's Whatta Man featuring En Vogue is a highlight but, Don't Let Go - holy crap! These women deliver this one just the way it needs to be done - with an insane amount of sass and all the passion possible. No doubt, a lot of '90s kids in the audience would have their dreams fulfilled right now - belting out that chorus along with En Vogue after years of probably singing it dramatically into a hairbrush. The ladies then move on to a new number from their upcoming album, about self-love and positivity, but, tell ya what, nothing can really come close to what's next - Free Your Mind. Once you set the bar that high, with a hit like that, it's hard to release anything that'll be close to that fabulous. 

"WHATEVER I SAY Y'ALL GOTTA DO. WHEN I SAY JUMP, EVERYBODY JUMP!" It's typical Fatman Scoop material and there's nothing new here but, hey! You gotta give the guy credit - it works every single time. The whole room is jumping, just as he instructed and, when Be Faithful drops - it's wild. Fatman Scoop runs into the left section of the seated audience and then makes it down to the standing section where the crowd literally leaps toward him, super-keen to get that obligatory video for Instagram. There is a really unexpected amount of cheering for Fox FM radio presenters Fifi, Dave and Fev who give a really well-delivered and brief speech about the importance of marriage equality before announcing Kelis, who's up next.

"YESSS FINALLY, THE MILKSHAKE LADY!!!" a girl yells to her mate. Just as everyone's singing along to Bossy, from the corner of the stage casually struts Kelis - a gorgeous, glowing figure in a bright yellow jumpsuit. Caught Out There and Trick Me are just glossed over, being played for no more than around 30 seconds, which is a damn shame because they're both total hits. And to unfortunately make things worse, the live version of everyone's favourite, Milkshake, isn't even the original! Instead, Kelis sings the lyrics on top of a remixed beat and it's pretty freakin' devastating. It's skim milk and low-fat ice cream, rather than the original track that is no doubt extra-thick and topped with whipped cream, sprinkles and a big juicy cherry. People are visibly confused. Most have their phones ready to go to hit record, but as soon as the song starts, they decide against it. It's sad to say, but her milkshake isn't that great and it, unfortunately, does not bring all the boys to the yard. Her track with Calvin Harris, Bounce, lifts the mood a little and is one of the only songs in the set that gets played in its entirety. There's no doubt that Kelis' voice is still amazing, especially towards the end of her set when the backing track quietens down and her vocals take front and centre. "Sing it with me!" she instructs, but, awkwardly, no one is able to because they really don't know the words to this one.

The loudest reaction of the night is reserved for queen Kelly Rowland. Her years of experience ensure that everything Rowland does, and every move she makes, is super-polished and done with purpose. All the hair flicks, power poses and strutting emphasise her confidence. Dressed to kill, in a bright red, two-piece ensemble, Rowland looks like a complete boss and proves her vocal strength in Stole. No doubt plenty of tears have been shed to this one over the years and the same happens tonight. There's a fair few dabbing drops from their eyes during the chorus. "You know what love is?! EQUALITY!" she yells to erupting applause from the audience before launching into a Destiny's Child throwback set that everyone is clearly stoked about. For Cater 2 You, two ladies are brought onto the stage to receive lap dances from Rowland's two back-up dancers. It's like a bloody Magic Mike show up in here! Of course, Dilemma has our hearts melting and clearly Rowland's too. She's visibly moved by the crowd participation and it's evident that the joy is mutual. Rowland is a class act and a true talent. 

"Carrie Bickmore does the best slut drop you've ever seen!" Tommy Little yells. They later get one side of the area to yell, "NE!" and the other to yell, "YO!" and, as this chant gets louder and louder, Little dives off the stage and straight into the crowd. Does anyone catch him? No idea. Although we see a figure quickly get up and scurry away over the barrier just before Ne-Yo begins.

Finally, a band! After She Knows, he pauses and says, "Notice anything different?" He's referencing his lack of a hat, which is usually a constant addition to his look. "If I'm gonna preach self-love, I better practice it. So ya'll get this big-ass head for the next 45 minutes!" The audience explodes into applause and laughter. Hats off to the drummer tonight! He is so deep in the pocket that his solos steal the limelight a few times and rightfully so, because he's incredible. Sexy Love is so hot that someone throws their bra on stage, to Ne-Yo's surprise. He generously responds by pulling his own shirt up. Cheeky. In case anyone's forgotten, Ne-Yo's an unbelievable dancer, clearly idolising Michael Jackson through his choreo. He brings back his iconic hat for Mad and his voice sounds as elastic and silky as ever, maybe even better!? Also promoting an upcoming album, Ne-Yo calls up two ladies to party up on stage with him to his new track - a summery, reggaeton number. The two chosen ones take full advantage of this opportunity, dropping it low, right down to the ground and even fitting in a sneaky kiss in front of the entire audience. One punter gets so into Give Me Everything soon after, that he accidentally flings his entire drink into the air, drenching those around him. The floor is sticky and completely saturated with drinks, with more liquid ending up on the floor than in people's mouths. Just before Ne-Yo leaves, London brings a cake on stage, and accidentally asks "Sydney" to sing Happy Birthday to him, for yesterday. After a quick singalong, the music kicks off and he smoothly dances up the stairs and jumps, disappearing completely. So suave. So ridiculously cool.

"Who has indeed got sweaty balls right now!?" London asks the crowd in reference to Get Low that just finished blaring out of the speakers. After a few more tracks from DJ Horizon, Craig David casually strolls onto the stage where his laptop is set up on a massive desk with "TS5" beaming from it as well as on the screen behind him. "This is your first TS5 experience," David says as he briefly pops the headphones on before Rewind. Fill Me In has everyone in throwback bliss, with this 2000s track providing us with the ultimate nostalgia fix. His vocal runs give us goosebumps. However, it gets a little unexpected from here onwards, because - for essentially the rest of the set - David steps behind the laptop, plays a random song and then sings on top of it, sometimes with his own lyrics and sometimes the actual song's lyrics. Walking Away is sung on top of another beat, much to our dismay. He randomly plays House Of Pain's Jump Around then it's Drake's One Dance. Clearly uninterested, a punter pulls her phone out to Google search, "Is Craig David single?" Sadly, people are really starting to lose their mojo as this performance continues. There's a lot less R&B and more upbeat pop/techno vibes happening. His voice is still as wonderfully lush as ever and his energy on stage is so obvious, however, it seems like the general consensus is that everyone would rather hear his original tracks than Wild Thoughts or Show Me Love for the thousandth time - both of which he later plays. And sadly, no - What's Your Flava? doesn't make an appearance. Damn.

Winding up the evening for tonight is Sean Paul. There's no doubt that the organisers putting this line-up together would've left Sean Paul for last because, let's face it, his tracks do get people hyped. Who doesn't love a bit of reggaeton/dancehall to groove to, to end the evening on a high note? But it's obvious that this goes a little pear-shaped as the set carries on. Firstly, Paul's got an iconic voice and when Get Busy starts, the dancefloor is pulsating. Two back-up dancers dressed in colourful, stripy bodysuits twirl and tumble across the stage like unwrapped tubes of colourful Lifesaver lollies. "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!" he screams along to the beat. Most get on their feet for Bailando and Paul gets his hypeman to sing a few parts on this one. He then pauses to thank the crowd for his career, before freestyling over Ed Sheeran's Shape Of You. This doesn't really go down too well. His classic track with Blu Cantrell, Breathe, brings the mood back up a little bit then, just as everyone's getting ready to dance again, the track cuts out and goes into another one. "Fuck, come on, Sean! We've all got work tomorrow! Where are the bangers, mate!?" a punter jokingly yells to his friend.

Paul is then joined by another member of his crew and the stage lights dim. The onesie that this dude is wearing starts to light up and after he yells/growls/makes weird noises for a while they launch into another song during which all perform some interesting dance moves, either dabbing or flailing their arms around together while trying to get the audience to participate. "I got a lot of love in my life. One of the deepest loves I've ever felt in my life was for MY MOMMA!" Paul yells before Rockabye. After a few more tracks, people start to leave.

Sets like this have the potential to go down differently in another context. For example, if performed somewhere like a summer festival, in the sun, after a few tequilas, it might be received differently. However, it's not a sun-drenched festival. It's a weeknight. A lot of people have assumedly rushed over straight from work and at 11.15pm, it's clear they've had enough. Paul then does takes on Turn Down For What for the leftover punters all grabbing their bags and booking Ubers. "DO YOU WANT MORE MUSIC!?" he shouts. "They say they want me to goooo, but you want me to stayyyy!" He sings to the leftover audience. But by the time the set's over, less than 50% of the crowd remains - and they're all on their way out anyway. 

All the artists performing tonight are still relevant in 2017 for a reason. It's because their music has remained popular with so many people for all these years, whether it be from the peak of their success in the '90s or early 2000s. Covering new tracks with different lyrics/remixing their own songs - which we hear this evening - really doesn't seem necessary. It doesn't mean we love them any less because of this, it just means we'd rather listen to Craig David sing Rendezvous with its original super-hot instrumental accompaniment than having Drake's One Dance take its place.