The Tortured Politician’s Department, Swifties Vs MAGA Edition: Choose Your Fighter

The Music's sassy new regular pop culture columnist, Anna List, is here to drop truth bombs.

“I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!” 

It’s the outlandish and intrusive thought of a madman who said the quiet part out loud, on the internet, in all caps.

Donald Trump is butthurt because Taylor Swift endorsed his political rival, Kamala Harris. Thus, Swift's hoards of super-fanatic followers are turning their attention to something other than dissecting her public appearance accessories to try and predict the release date of Reputation (Taylor’s Version).

But whilst Taylor’s stans follow their leader blindly into whatever battle she commands, so do Trump’s MAGA supporters. Swifties and MAGAs share far more in common than either side would ever admit: this is a cult culture war. Choose your fighter.

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The term “cult” generally refers to a group of people with usually atypical beliefs living in relative isolation from the world. They tend to centralise around one charismatic person—the cult leader—who orders the other members' beliefs, behaviours, and customs.

Purposefully or not, Swift and Trump are cult leaders. Of course, some people are fans of both or either Taylor Swift or Donald Trump who have managed to resist the allure of their respective cult followings, but for those of us on the outside looking in, these folks look batshit crazy.

Trump and Swift themselves—aside from being insanely wealthy (presumably, in Trump’s case) and brandishing this inexplicable power over their devotees—are two extremely different public figures and human beings who serve extremely different purposes in society. However, there are glaring similarities when examining their influence and career choices in 2024.

Swift’s output is, of course, music. Trump’s output is policy and public speaking. To everybody not in the MAGA microcosm, the quality of Trump’s output is steeply declining. Even if you’re not fully clued into US politics, you will likely have heard ridiculous soundbites about Hannibal Lecter, sharks versus electric boats and his astonishingly bad performance at last week's presidential debate. Non-MAGA folks hear all this and think, “What the fuck?”; MAGA folks hear all this and think, “Hell yeah! He’s on fire! That’s my guy!”

The atmosphere is so toxic and combative, and his followers continue to tie themselves in knots, trying to defend his stupidity, elevating him to some sort of genius deity. Despite all of his output being absolute rubbish and the specifics not connecting with anyone, he is still one of the most influential people in the world. Not because he is the best. Not because he is the most deserving. But because he has this innate ability to rile up his mindless drones to do his bidding.

And I, controversially but comfortably, would make the same statement about Taylor Swift’s musical output and her followers in 2024. 

This year, Swift released the contentious album, The Tortured Poets Department, to mostly negative reviews from non-Swifties. However, Swift managed to keep this album on the top of the charts for months despite having no real hit singles.

She did this by releasing over 40 different “variants” of the same album, usually when another female competitor was scheduled to drop their album. It was a very strategic yet divisive move that paid off in droves - the album has been one of the biggest sellers of the year, and Swifties will fall over themselves trying to convince you that “touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto” is high art.

The VMAs awarded the lead single, Fortnight, Song of the Summer, which makes precisely zero sense until you realise it is a fan-voted category. The streaming numbers prove that whilst this album has sold an insane amount of copies, it’s not getting played like her current opponents, such as Sabrina Carpenter or Chappell Roan, who are making much better music. Taylor Swift’s 2024 output has put off a lot of people who are not already indoctrinated in the Swiftie cult, but the existing members are passionate enough to make sure their girl still stays on top. 

In both cases, the behaviour is the same. Members of both movements feel safe and accepted in their cult bubbles surrounded by other like-minded individuals and won’t question their almighty leader.

Both groups will sacrifice copious amounts of money to show their support, regardless of the quality of what they’re paying for. Both cults harbour the firm conviction that their leader is a victim, an underdog bullied by the big bad powers surrounding them despite being the most powerful and successful person in any conflict. Both cults operate in blatant contradiction of their values: Swifties boast inclusivity and acceptance and support each other. However, one glance at any comment section will show you that they will jump down your throat if you aren’t deemed Swiftie enough.

Are you up to date with the lore? Do you understand why this lyric is masterful? How dare you call yourself a Swiftie if you didn’t drop another $30 on the variant with the iPhone voice memo of the random song about the guy she dated for two weeks! 

So what happens when these two gigantic, fervent and overzealous fandoms collide? On the one hand, Swifties tend to be much younger and more female than the MAGA movement, which consists of mostly older, less educated males.

Are enough Swifties old enough to vote and conquer their opposition? How do the MAGA members, who are also partial to the 1989 era, process their inner conflict? Only time will tell. Certainly, Trump’s actions in this battle are deplorable, and Swift is the grown-up in the room.

In a perfect world, Trump would lose the election and retire, allowing MAGA to fade back into a normal Republican party. Swift would release some music that was once again worthy of her global acclaim, and the Swifties would acknowledge that there are other talented, successful artists out there who are worthy of support.

But in this modern world that values power, popularity and influence above everything else, the real losers of this war are those of us who have to witness this cult behaviour become normalised. 

The photo of Donald Trump is by Marc Nozell from Merrimack, New Hampshire, USA, CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0) via Wikimedia Commons.