'I Just Want To Be A Person': Soccer Mommy Is Tired Of Fans Glorifying Musicians

As she begins the promotional cycle for her second studio album, Color Theory, Sophie Allison, who performs under the moniker Soccer Mommy, is pondering exactly how to talk about her songs. “When people want to hear what it means, I can tell them,” says Allison. “But I also think it’s important as an artist to not just bullshit your way through [...], or try to make it seem like you have some crazy depth, because it gets kind of fake.” 

Since entering the spotlight in 2018 with her debut album, Clean, Allison has had to adjust to other peoples’ perceptions of her. “Sometimes people want you to be this really interesting enigma of wisdom,” she says. “And it’s like, I’m a 22-year-old girl. I’m not a genius. I might have important things to say, but anyone else can say these things as well. People are just liking how I’m saying it. I just think it gets kind of stupid when people act like they are some godly creature that is nothing like any of the people who listen to their music. Like they’re way above them and those people could never be like them. I was just going to shows and being a fan of stuff a couple of years ago – as were many people who are big musicians now. And it’s just like, anyone who’s listening could also be doing this – they just aren’t yet. It gets kind of silly when people act really grandiose about it. Just a little bit ridiculous.”

Allison has done her share to demystify musicians, and push against their portrayal as rarefied people. She says the perceived distance between musicians and fans is narrowing, but not everyone treats her like a normal human being. “I think it’s been a move in the right direction,” she says. “But I still feel like people don’t really view artists as people. Even at this stage, where I’m not some big star. I think a lot of people just don’t think of you as a person. And I get why, I have been in that position. But it’s kind of terrible for artists, because I just want to be a person.” 

Allison says that it’s not only criticism that can feel dehumanising or feed into her slightly paranoiac tendencies. “It’s not just the mean stuff that you see,” she says, “when people are shitting on you for basically no reason. It’s also people talking about you constantly. Personally, I have a big problem with paranoia of people talking about me, and this does not help. In fact, it makes me worse and go off the deep end. Because I think most people can’t imagine having hundreds of random strangers talking about them every day, saying stuff about them. What would that make you feel like? It makes you feel like an exhibit or something, more than a person.” 

Allison is unusually frank about the impact living a public life has had on her psychologically. She has long been open about her struggles with mental health. Does she think becoming indie-famous has affected her mental state, for better or worse? “I would have anxiety and depression and some of the shit that’s going on regardless of whether I was making music for a living,” she says. “I would still have these problems, they might just be manifesting in different ways. When I was really young I didn’t see problems in my life as much. I had a loving family and friends. As I grew older those problems personally stopped me from thinking I could do this for a living one day. So I wasn’t really thinking, 'Once I’m a rock star, things will be fine.' I was playing music and thinking, 'I wish I could do that, but I know I can’t because it’s unreasonable.' I definitely didn’t see doing music as a solve-all for my issues. By the time I was doing music I was old enough to know that’s not real.” 

Even if being a prominent indie musician is not a panacea for a perfect life, Allison says it provides her with meaning. “I think it’s given me purpose in my life that makes me happy, which is great," says Allison. "I don’t know that it really fixes any of my issues at all. I think it’s maybe heightened some of my problems because of the stress of the job and the spotlight and shit like that. I think it’s worsened some things, but it could also just be time, just getting older and deeper into it, but who knows.” 

Was Allison concerned about the so-called 'sophomore slump'? “There’s a certain awareness because obviously that’s part of what’s going on,” she says. “But it’s not something that affects what I’m doing at all. I don’t really think about that, I just write more songs and they change based on what I’m being inspired by at the time.”

While the relatively lo-fi Clean was written during the last of Allison’s teenage years, the more richly produced Color Theory captures the beginning of life in her 20s. “I guess it kind of felt different,” says Allison. “I was living a totally different life by the time I was writing this album. I was living a much more adult life where I have employees technically and I’m paying people and I have to make money.” 

She's a business owner! “Yeah, exactly,” says Allison. “Which I hate. So it’s just becoming an adult and having to do shit you hate all the time, on top of stuff you love. But I don’t feel like my writing changed that much, it just kind of grew. I think that I learned a lot more and I became wiser. Maybe. Or maybe I’m still stupid, I don’t know," she laughs.