Catching On Fire & A Drug Deal Gone Wrong: Rachel Maria Cox Plays 'Two Truths & A Lie'

Rachel Maria Cox is a little legend and maybe the friendliest person you’ll ever meet. Not only are they full of three stories that are unmatchable in hilarity, storytelling prowess and Shyamalan-worthy plot twists, on a more serious note RMC offers a supremely essential voice in the Australian music industry.

As a non-binary musician themselves, Rachel runs the Sad Grrrls Club program, a DIY record label and booking agency that encourages gender diversity, inclusivity and safety in Australian festival and gig line-ups. They run Sad Grrrls Fest and curate stages like Mountain Sounds Festival’s Not Just Grrrls stage – though this sadly got cut when the upcoming festival was scaled back last week. Their music is a self-confessed mix of “panic and disco”, with a welcoming Australian twang mixed with the cheeky attitude of Carly Rae Jepsen or Charli XCX. On their body, you’ll find tattoos of Mr Burns’ alien, Homer Simpson’s donut, a unicorn and an origami T-Rex, all of which reflect the sunniness of RMC as a person.

And perhaps most importantly – they’re bloody funny and a great storyteller. Read on.

Truth

Rachel: So this is the story I tell people when they’re concerned about potentially waking me. Like, if I crash on people’s floors, which is a thing that happens a lot on tour and they’re like, ‘I’m sorry if I wake you in the morning’, and I’m like, ‘Oh, you’re not gonna wake me because I sleep REALLY heavily.’

Uppy: And HERE is the proof… [laughs]

R: So heavily in fact, that I caught fire AND was put out, and it just didn’t wake me. I just… slept through the whole thing.

U: That’s INSANE.

R: And I didn’t believe them, as well! That was the other thing. When I woke up, people were like, ‘You caught on fire, Rachel!’ and I was like, ‘Pfft! No I didn’t!’

U: Funny joke, guys!

R: I thought they were trying to do one of those dumb teenage things where they make you look at your own back right? Like, trying to make me look at my own back and then they laugh at me, something like that. I’m like, ‘No guys, I didn’t catch fire, that’s NOT a thing that people sleep through.’

U: Yeah.

R: But then turns out, I go back to my tent and I absolutely HAD. They were in fact absolutely correct. What had happened was – so I was a scout, first of all, from the ages of 14 to 18 – and we went on these camps and it was the June long weekend. FREEZING. Super cold. But because it was those big camps, it was one of the only chances to catch up with all your other scout friends who are maybe from far away.

U: Mm, yeah because you all congregate for these things right?

R: Yeah, so we’d stay up super late and all hang out around the fire and it was a chance to catch up with people.

U: How old were you at this point?

R: I was probably like 15 or 16. And yeah, you’d push yourself to stay up late because you were teenagers and stupid.

U: Yeah, and get fucked the next day, like, ‘Ugh, that was a mistake.’

R: Yeah, and then the next day when you’re supposed to be doing stuff and being responsible…

U: Tyin’ knots!

R: All of that stuff that we were meant to do as scouts! So because it was so cold, I was wearing like six layers of clothing or something. We’re sitting around the fire and I must’ve dozed off or something. I must’ve been super tired. And the reason it didn’t wake me was that it was so cold and I was wearing so many layers of clothes, so when I got back to my tent, turns out that the outermost jacket that I was wearing was DESTROYED.

U: Torched.

R: There was no back to it. A giant singed hole and sleeves. So I had to chuck that, but it burnt through two other layers of clothing and singed my T-shirt. But of course, I was also wearing an undershirt and thermals. I was wearing so many layers of clothing that it didn’t even come close to my skin.

U: That’s crazy. Do you know how you caught fire at all? Like you were too close or?

R: I must’ve just been too close, and rolled a little too close or a spark had jumped or something like that. It got me! There weren’t many people around either, so it must’ve taken hold pretty quickly before people noticed it.

U: Far out.

R: They did put me out! They got a blanket and wrapped my back with it to put the fire out! And THAT didn’t wake me! Like, ‘Oh, I was VERY asleep! I was REAL asleep!’

U: Wow, just dead to the world. I think there’s one thing to take from this and it’s that those clothes were pretty good quality – I mean, they burnt through but they didn’t burn you, so!

R: I don’t know about quality but there was quantity! Definitely a story that emphasises quantity over quality. But also, the clothes weren’t particularly good quality so I didn’t feel bad about chucking them out. I still have one of the jackets as well! There was one jacket where it only burnt a little bit, we just patched it up and I still have that with the little patch on the back. As proof.

U: What a great momento, like, ‘I caught fire once!’

R: Just like The Used song!

U: EXACTLY!

R: When The Used sang I Caught Fire, I FELT that.

Truth

R: So this is weird as hell. I feel like everyone who’s in or works in the music industry has a bunch of people on Facebook you’ve never actually met.

U: 100%.

R: People who like, book shows or are in other bands, you just have people on Facebook for the purposes of networking.

U: Yeah, and they run in the same circles.

R: Yeah, so this person, I had them on Facebook and they were booking a show that I was playing, it was like a May The Fourth show, like a Star Wars show? So they were booking the show and I had them as a Facebook friend and they posted something asking, ‘Does anyone have a unicorn costume or something I can borrow?’ So I’m like, ‘I’ve got a unicorn onesie!’ because onesies were a thing.

U: Yup, so this is a few years ago when onesies were peak popularity?

R: This was actually a bit later than that, 2015 or 2016, not that long ago. So I was like, ‘Here, I have this onesie.’ This is at the point where I had moved back in with my parents, I was living in Western Sydney but I was commuting back to Newcastle. I was going up to Newcastle to do some recording. So I was like, ‘You have to come meet me super early in the morning at Parramatta station, because I need to get the train up to Newcastle.’

U: Yup. Good ol’ Parra station!

R: So it’s like stupid early, like 5.30am on a Saturday morning, and I’m like, ‘Look, you won’t be able to miss me, there won’t be a lot of people and I’ll have my synth with me. I’ll be very difficult to miss.’ So I’m waiting at Parramatta station, this person comes up to me and they look kind of like… kind of like an emo dude?

U: Like, ‘Yeah, you could be in the industry.’

R: Yeah, you could be this person that I’ve never met. You look VAGUELY the right kind of height, build, looked vaguely accurate. So I give it to him, ‘Here you go!’ He’s like ‘Thank you,’ and I’m like, ‘I have to go get my train but I’ll see you next week at the May The Fourth gig,’ and this guy’s like, ‘What?’ I’m like, ‘You know, the gig. With me.’ And he’s like, ‘What?’ And I’m like, ‘You know… the gig.’ And he’s like, ‘Oh yeah, sure.’ And he seemed really confused by this comment. By that point, I was really confused as well but I was also super tired as well.

U: You also had to catch your train!

R: Yeah, I was like, I dunno what’s happening, ‘I gotta go catch this train. Enjoy.’ So this dude leaves with this onesie, and I got on the train and send a message to this person. I’m like, ‘I’m sorry if I confused you about the gig, I just thought you’d be there so I’d see you at that.’ And he was like, ‘I’m still on my way, my bus was late.’

U: Oh NO.

R: So I’m like, ‘Are you telling me I literally just gave my onesie to a complete stranger at Parramatta station?’ And that person also just TOOK IT?

U: Yeah! Why did he come up to you?

R: To this day, I DON’T KNOW who that person was, why they approached me, or what they were expecting to be in the bag.

U: Yeah, were they expecting to pick up something in the bag as well?

R: I dunno. Did they think it was drugs? Because if it was a drug deal, I’d be really disappointed.

U: You’d be the worst drug dealer in the world.

R: It was just so weird and to this day I have no answers and I’ll probably die without answers.

U: Obviously, you didn’t get that darn onesie back.

R: But good thing, onesies have not made a resurgence.

Lie

R: So, I lied to get on TV.

U: That’s amazing, tell me more.

R: So do you remember the TV show, Go Go Stop?

U: Hell yeah, I do.

R: So I was on that.

U: Whenabouts?

R: 2006? It was my first brush with fame.

U: And you were HOOKED ever since!

R: I met Jesse Tobin and all of that. So what they do to pick the kids from each school, they do this vetting process and screen testing and stuff like that. They go to find the kids who are good on TV and every single reality game show things, they ask you for your interesting, funny little stories.

U: Totally.

R: When you see people go on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire or Family Feud or whatever, they ask you questions. And I KNEW they wanted something funny, and I thought, ‘Fuck, I don’t have anything funny but I’m really smart and if I go on this show, I know I’m gonna go really well.’

U: So you decided to cheat the system.

R: So one of the questions they ask you is, ‘What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten?’ You do like a questionnaire and they ask you all these questions then they screen test you at the school. So they basically ask this, and I had eaten octopus at a restaurant and hated it but knew it wasn’t weird enough. So I was like, I need to tweak it a little bit… so I told them that I accidentally ate an octopus EYEBALL.

U: Very clever! [laughs]

R: So I tell them that on the questionnaire and of course, it comes through. I’m on TV. And then Jesse Tobin asks me about this octopus eyeball experience!

U: Oh no.

R: Legitimately there is a VHS copy of this at my parents’ house of me lying straight to his face.

U: On national TV.

R: On national TV, being like, ‘Yes, this is a thing that I’ve eaten.’ And the truth comes out 12 years later or something. No, I’ve never eaten an octopus eyeball. I just think seafood is gross. But it got me on the show and I was the only one of the kid from my school that won their show! I won a boogie board and a bunch of kitchen appliances.

U: Dude, that’s worth the lie!

R: I was stoked! Little 12-year-old me was SO stoked that this lie had paid off.

U: You were a very astute 12-year-old.

R: Like, even at 12 I knew how the industry worked. Learnt my industry tricks. But once this article gets published I hope Channel Seven don’t call me up and ask for my stuff back.

U: Hah! Long gone I bet. Did your parents know you lied for the screen test?

R: They must’ve known, but they never said anything about it. I’VE never said anything about it. Literally before I got approached for this article, I never confessed to anyone. This is me exposing my deepest, darkest shame. I’m sorry, James. Jesse Tobin goes by James now. He got rid of his frosted tips and changed his name.

Rachel Maria Cox’s latest single, Time, is out now.

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If you’re a musician and have some stories to share and some secrets to tell – be it hilarious or heartbreaking, humiliating or honourable – send us an email at twotruthscolumn[at]gmail.com.

We might be telling the whole world about the time you accidentally killed your brother’s pet snake and replaced it without anyone knowing in no time.