It's Gone Cactus, Jack

Dallas, Texas, a few decades ago, and a nine-year-old Brendon Burns has an epiphany on a family holiday. It's the first time he will ever come across stand-up comedy, at a Flip Wilson show. And it's the first time he'll ever watch wrestling. And he was hooked. “If I hadn't seen Flip Wilson, things could have turned out very differently,” says the Perth-born comedian. 

Over the years, as Burns pursued a career in comedy, his wrestling fandom was never far from his heart. “I based the first ten years of my career on 'heel' [wrestling villain] psychology,” he says. “I only 'came out' as an avid wrestling fan about three years ago and because it's such a secret handshake, and so many of us are closet fans – a lot of guys go 'It's bullshit' but then you're on the road with them and they start knowing a whole bunch of names that they shouldn't.”

And then he met Mick Foley. Burns was doing a wrestling TV show with comedian Jim Smallman, who was supporting Foley on tour. Smallman invited Burns onto the bill as a 'mystery guest'. “They say my name at the start of the show and the place goes nuts,” Burns says. “If wrestling fans find out that you're in the public eye and a wrestling fan, they seek you out. They know who you are.”

From there, Burns and Foley (aka Mankind, Cactus Jack and Dude Love) started collaborating on a tell-all, 'evening with'-type show they planned to take to Montreal's Just For Laughs Festival. Burns sold the festival to Foley as “the Wrestlemania of comedy” and told Foley they'd be competing for ticket sales with household name comedians. Don't be disheartened, he said, if the show didn't sell out.

“They were queued around the block, chanting his name,” Burns says, “and every gag I did was gold. It's going to be hard going back to comedy! Mick is crazy famous. Mick is famous in the Middle East. He was the number three guy when wrestling was at its peak. You walk down the street with him and every five seconds you're reminded how famous he is. He's like a real life superhero, 6'5'' in all directions. And the funny thing is, I have to bounce for him because there are grown men wanting a cuddle off him. And I have to say, 'You can't have a cuddle, they threw him off a cage, he's really sore'. Meeting Mick is the difference between meeting Christian Bale, and meeting the actual Batman.”

Foley's been doing stand-up for only about three years now, but Burns says it's been an easy adjustment; the comedy and wrestling worlds are common bedfellows. “Mick's a five-time New York Times bestselling author; he knows how to tell a story. And wrestling promos are similar to stand-up. It's the only other art form where the performer adjusts what he's doing based on the audience reaction. Every newbie comic talks about their day job: Mick has the most bizarre day job of all time.”

Sharing a stage with a man he confesses is one of his heroes, Burns says, is both a pinch-yourself moment and entirely natural thanks to Foley's down-to-earth, everyman attitude. “It was the greatest meeting of your hero you could ever set up,” Burns says. “Imagine being a huge Iron Maiden fan, and you're a world-class plumber. And you find out that Bruce Dickinson wants to get into plumbing, and needs plumbing tips from you!”

And what of the old, hackneyed question all wrestling fans get asked ad nauseam – what does Burns say when someone archly says to him 'You know it's all fake, right?'. “My stock answer is, 'Do you like Star Wars? Then go fuck yourself!',” he says.